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It’s okay to create through the chaos.
Have you ever felt like you would never measure up to the 1% of top creators because you aren’t consistent, organized, or competent enough?
I sure have.
I’ve become much more self-aware over the last few years as I prepare to leave behind my twenties and enter a whole new decade of my life.
For some background, I thrived in school. I loved the structured environment and “forced” consistency that came with classes, homework and going to school Monday to Friday.
Being an adult, however, I have boarded the struggle bus and am dreading my arrival in struggle town. I lack the discipline to be consistent and not run away with every idea that pops into my head.
Every success guru likes to point out that consistency is key. I have even pointed this out myself in my first handful of articles.
Despite this, I still only put things on my calendar as a suggestion and not as a deadline or definitive date to start/finish something.
In the past, I feel like I have tried it all. Habit trackers, time blocking, to-do lists, you name it, I’ve tried it.
When I finally began to reflect, I became acutely aware of the fact that I had no idea why I was doing anything I was doing. It also made me realize that I am less likely to do tasks that seem boring, lackluster, or overwhelming.
Does this make me lazy?
No. It makes me human. It makes me aware of the fact that I like to be stimulated and interested by the tasks I set for myself.
It also makes me realize that I need to have adult conversations with myself. If you ask a child why they didn’t do something you asked them to do and they tell you it’s because they are lazy, that’s not an acceptable answer.
We might probe further for the truth, which could be something as simple as the task set before them seemed boring and therefore, they did not want to do it.
There are so many things I do throughout the day that I don’t like. I don’t like commuting to work. I don’t like waking up early. I don’t like that it is so freaking hot outside. Despite my internal dislike, I still commute to work and I still get up early and I still do my best to manage the heat.
I’ve also learned that I am horrible at goal setting and long-term planning. Being bad at these makes it harder to sort through the chaos in my head as I try to figure out what tasks to prioritize and what needs to be done.
This is why I do my best to create systems where I can thrive and I can work through the chaos while still reaching any goals I set for myself. I have learned how to break down tasks in order to feel less overwhelmed, I have yet to figure out how to entice myself into not thinking most tasks are “boring”.
I am still not thoroughly convinced that I need to actively set and track habits. Though I do advocate for having goals, no matter the size. Goals are something that help keep me on track and help me to see if I am going in the right direction or if it is time to pivot.
So can we be both organized and chaotic? Yes.
Can we live a consistent life while also allowing ourselves to be bored by things on our to-do list? Also yes.
Habits aren’t for everybody. Taming the chaos isn’t for everybody. As I continue on my writing journey, I am constantly learning new things. Not just about writing, but about myself.
This is what is exciting. The more I understand myself, the easier it becomes to grow my content and presence and connect with other like-minded people.
I always looked at chaos as a negative thing. Always viewed all of the noise in my head as something to be ashamed of. Something that I needed help with. Maybe a therapist or medication would finally be able to calm the storm in a way I never could.
The truth is that there is so much I want out of this life. All of the noise in my head is just a reminder of all of the things I want to do and all of the things I am passionate about.
The chaos reminds me that my life is not measured by the number of habits I have mastered or if I have reached that pivotal 1%.
So while I have been feeling less than excited to post because I am going through a transition in my personal life with my job and I have been allowing myself to feel tired and distracted, I also remind myself that it won’t always be this way.
So even through the chaos, I still have to show up and keep working away at my own goals. That is how I will finally get to where I want to be, even if I struggle to envision that future for myself in this moment.